AdamAnT?...

_To whom it may concern_

I’m so tired being blamed of so many things that I did not even think about; accusing me of such, of such… ahhhhh!!!!!!!! I can’t even place the right words to my tongue to utterly and linguistically enunciate it. In this very moment I’m creating this literature, the judgment they’ve mete out crunches my own beating heart. It fuckin’ hurts when someone, someone you most deeply love hurts you… you know that, you’re fucking hurt by the ones you unconditionally love. Some people say its martyrdom, well, in a high-level way of understanding it; it’s stupidity actually. You know if you love someone, you do things that would make him/her happy and satisfied.

Meeting expectations are seemingly hard to meet; you see the logic; when you antagonistically pursue on something, the more things will go the wrong way. The more you insist yourself on something or onto someone! Oh my $#%*, you better pray for yourself.

At this very moment I just want to burst out not my anger but my lunacy about this chronic and very, very, very protracted agony of mine. You see…by the time my mind was reluctant to this really cruel world until now, it’s still a BIG question at the anteroposterior part of my hypothalamus

WHY ARE BLAMING ME OF EVERY WRONG DEED MADE INTO THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!??????...

Little by little, I feel shammed, I feel locked down to early death because of distress and not stress.

SHE EVENLY FAMED ME AS A GREAT PRETENDER…

Self pity drives me out into the outcasts…
Self pity eats up every optimistic thing that nourishes my ego…
Self pity weakens me everytime she accuses me of something not good…
Self pity drags me into a thought of false humility…
Self pity devours my entire entity…
Self pity heaves my life into chaos…
Self pity slowly kills me.

1. Have ever got into a situation where you’re blamed of something grave which actually you did not even do it at the first place? You were just framed up or caught between the line of accusation and the meeting of chance…
2. Have you been accused of a very awful, mind-deteriorating, and beyond belief hearsay? And the saddest part is that even just a single word you articulate is not believed by HER… how heartwarming… very warm!!!
3. Have you been into a situation that even HER acts insensitively to your feelings…

“Anu? Kaw lat meada nerve endings ha lawas?? Para tim kalugaringon la tim pag inisipon kun mahuhurt ka?? Anu naman la ak?? Masakit gad kun sugad guin sasaup kan mga butang nga di ko man hinimu… kaw daw it sugaron?? Sige daw kun MAANU?? Diba di ka ghap maayun?? Maaram ak nga I had not been as good as you’d been expecting in me… pero grabe man liwat, bisan wa nak hinihimo, you make me feel that I’m unworthy, I’m as prodigal as mentioned in the holy scriptures, nga kulang nala ada ipapilit mo ha ak nawong nga sugad ak nga tawo… nga wa na ak pag asa pagbag-o…Gusto ko gad magbag-o, kinakapoy na kasi ak hin sugad hine nga kinabuhi…”

A very grave punishment for just a simple and common mistake…

_mAkeS sEnSe?_