For the one I used to lay my life to…

For my beloved friend Lowill, for being an inspiration of this literary work…

The green lushes of the view reminded me of her, standing beside me telling me how she loved me so much, forever, for eternity. And now I’m here in this dreaded bench all alone and withered because of pain and misery. Why am I feeling this?? This unpleasant emotion of love I’m in to. The cold breeze kills me slowly, as I face reality that I will wake up every day with out no one on my side. She used to laugh at my jokes and would hold on my shoulders and sometimes even bit me. She’s so sweet and caressing so much but was like a plague that washes all this memories.

It traumatized my heart that from her lips the bitterest words I’ve ever heard in my entire life. It was just short but the effect it made into my heart was so long until now I’m still mourning on what happened. She stabbed my heart so badly that it bleeds like the love I poured into her for over a year. It was a year of happiness, contentment and affection; a year of unending dream with her. But I’m now hanging on what to do; I’m dashed between the test of time and the selfishness of my longing for her.

I love you no more… she evenly told me. That disgracing moment almost killed me. It made my heart stop for a second or more. That moment she told me so, it popped out from my mind the days she always told me that she loves me, that she will love me forever. Is this forever what you’re talking about? I go crazy thinking why it happened to us, how come that she fell out of love for me. I’ve been as good as ever to her, to our relationship. Damn her, I told myself as cry insentience. For her I tried not to cry, I tried to understand, I tried not to weep but it fuckin’ hurts. I build my world with her, because of her and for her.

Now I wake up everyday, senseless, useless and frantic. I seek an advice from a friend on what would be the best option on my situation. I’m lost in this wilderness I used to live in with her as my queen. I was humiliated of myself as I see my friend looking at me with pity. He told me how I was doing, if what would be my plan now… no word can explain how I feel. Losing her is like losing a battle hundreds of years you’ve been fighting for. But my friend stayed hushed, he started to sense the situation. Suddenly, he pointed at something.

“You see that little flower”, a puny little blossom tangled and destroyed not long that’s what he was pointing at. Then he became still… “Building a relationship is similar to planting an elegant type of flower. At the very beginning, you must strive hard to build a foundation of trust, understanding, and many other things and I presume you already know that. If you’re thinking that this will be the end of your relationship, I can probably say you’re wrong bai ’, this could be just a test for the both of you two. Just like a plant, if now that its branches are tormented down and nearly dead. Sooner or later, it will branch back again and bloom just as it bloomed before. There’s always a reason for every thing that happen to us, to all of us. Don’t put your world into chaos, damn!! There are still many things you need to know. Even the wisest person is still ignorant in some ways, so why grieve?? I’m just here; your friends are just here if you need someone to talk to.”

It touched a chord in my silent and bleeding heart, those words he mentioned to me… he’s like my mom scolding me while smiling. It relieves my nerve but it strokes my heart so bad, just so bad. I gasped heavily as thank my friend.

The wind blew differently; it was so heavy even my body can’t take a chance to move. I was steadily seating still in this bench we used to share. Just the two of us, just the affection we enjoyed together.

But as the days gone by, the months vanished and the years came alongside so easily, time seemed to cure the wounds in my heart. The pain and misery I used to succumb in my close-minded wits bruised my individuality to open new doors. If I stick to the same old feeling for her, it would be unhealthy for me to pursue. It came into my mind the chance of loving once again, of building a whole new world with someone whom I can share the rest of my life.

But suddenly, I saw “her” again…with someone new.

FiRsT LoVe

First Love…

I’ve been to many relationships already, those mutual ones; I had even more know-how than my grown-up cousins when it comes to love drives and at all frankly speaking. It all started in my high school days when I first knock down in love to this gal whom I used to call as a friend. She’s syrupy, cuddly, and she’s taller than me. J I even hoist my head a little bit higher just to gaze at her. So funny to imagine but what makes it more comical is that when she hugs me, she would kneel her knees down to the floor then hugs me tight like a little boy. I was a freshman then when I first encountered my first ever liaison and my partner was senior student. At that time I was just a go-looking boy, just stays put in my seat, aloof and most of all silent. I prefer myself to be alone than to be with other boys there playing under the sun. But at the instance I met her, things began to adjust. I become skilled at how to fix my dangling hair, apply some perfumes on my clothes and I began carrying a handkerchief which before I really hate to bring. She really turned my world upside down, making an immense twist of my bulky head. Since then, we became close apiece to other. I, in next to no time learned how to deal things over when it comes to mutual drop a line to my opposite gender. Initially, it makes my heart quiver like a drum, even more when she caresses my crust. For everything that I never knew, she then makes me realize all those things. The “love” what they call, first stroked my naive and virgin spirit.

Nevertheless things went off beam! For the raison d'être that she’ll be graduating on that same year, she was left with no option but to abscond me. Months before her parting, she showered me with the preeminent of what’s paramount that has to be given and taken in a relationship. She sends mail and feelings of love to me, but I knew for myself that all of this would end. That the whole thing will amend, I don’t know if it’s for the better or the shoddier consequence. But one thing I discern, this will come to a finish. I was worried so much that for an instance, she faded. I observed to my sight that someone’s missing and I then knew that she was not almost on our campus. Upon knowing that she’s leaving before now, I tried my awfully best to arrive at their home seven miles away from where I was footing that split second. I used my bike to make it to the place even though the sun was raging up for it was lunch time. Unfortunately, everything was over… she left the place days before I knew she left, she left me.

She ended me to suffer the earliest diverse sentiment I ever felt in my heart, just in my heart and nowhere else. It’s like she ripped off my heart and squeezed it so stiff for all the blood to leak out. For God sake, I was profoundly impaired. L I became a lifeless psyche with an existing corpse. Day after day, I went back to our meeting place hoping she would come back. My mind flew everywhere and the thought of her drawn to the clear sky. I spent every day staring at the ceiling or at the window in my room. There came a moment that the love fallout to be anger. The question she left in the palm of my hand. WHY? What made you run off devoid of any assent from me? Why did you leave me? No day that came off, that my eyes were filled with tears and my heart aching and beating so heavily; such burden, such agony.

After a protracted due of time, it was July 25^th, my birthday when I received a letter from an unsigned. It was wrapped with a card which has writings of her. At first, I hesitated to get the letter but my wits and heart kept in disagreement about it. Until such instance that I obtain and read the letter:

“I’m sorry for leaving without any compliance, for hurting you so much. I was planning to meet you at our meeting place you know where it is. But my parents scolded and inhibited me from going to. I was afraid to tell you, in front of you that I would be leaving. I know you’re hurting still right now of what happened. The pain you’re having is the same pain that stabs my heart up to now. I miss you so much and even more. I wrote this letter with all sincerity thinking that you would suspect that I wrote just to tell you about my obscure farewell. I wrote this letter to let you feel that I’m still here…longing for your warmth, longing for your love. I don’t know if this is the right decision I’ve made; to love you still but this is one thing I know, I’m happy to love you. I’m not forcing you to love me back ‘coz I know distance we have would be a bit of a problem. There’s no assurance and there are many possibilities. I hope understand, I love you that’s why I’m setting you free now. Don’t worry I did not left because someone has replaced you in my heart, it’s just that it’s just the way it has to be. If in time you and I are still free and if it’s the right time, I won’t let you go away from my side. Goodbye for now. Goodbye my love…”

Greetings on your birthday…

Farewell,

Mary

BeSsY

To my beloved best friend who gives her best time for me…

This is for you…

It was a freezing early Monday morning, when I unexpectedly beeped to my cellular phone waiting for the text of my bessy. She’s a “she” regardless of her age, she was my best friend. I met her in class room; I was just seated and glancing the transom when all of a sudden this lady sits next to my chair. I was dazed at first, stunning at her goddess beauty. I can’t accept as true to myself that I’m sitting alongside such a divine lad.

I was astounded by her beauty that I even stared at her for over a minute or more. What makes it more beautiful when she smiles at me, it makes my heart go crazy, making my heart harder to beat. I presumed to myself that the coming days will be greater ‘coz each day that would go by is as striking like her. Every dawn as I wake up, the nerve of going to school barely frenzied my body. I rush to our campus to be with her, with virgin beauty, her long-lasting splendor.

The days turned into months but I did not stop lurking at her essential beauty. I soon became emotionally involved to her. She made me laugh at some time, as well as I, myself made her laugh.

We enjoyed always the moment together, we share private topics, talk about love stories, and even share the same food (Cream O). It was fun being with her, it was really fun. She’s a different type of girl, she’s frank, honest, and true and sweet, oh good grace she’s really sweet.

There was an instance that we went to their house to have lunch. She’s stunningly beautiful as she walks towards me. Acting that I just ignore her beauty, I stay still just looking at her. She knows how to cook, and she knows how to cook my favorite dish. She habitually asks me what boys want to satisfy their hunger. If merely she knew, just staring at her already satisfies my hunger. I lightheartedly answered her.

Except, there’s one occurrence that we have to part ways, our blossoming friendship twisted into madness. I’ve made the biggest blunder in my life; I fell in love to my best friend. At first, I deny it to my self but a dear friend of mine told me that it’s noticeable, it’s really obvious. Even “her” my best friend nodded at me saying that I love her. Of course I love her!!! So much, more than a lover can give ‘coz I’m her best friend.

To save myself from their finger pointing, I just smiled at them; I smiled at her and waved at her a farewell. Through a text message, I confessed it to her. I mean no harm and I did not plan that way, to be her best friend and then a lover. I told her all the reasons why I landed up to that emotion I had for her. She already knew it even before I realized that I loved her. Through actions and sense, she predicted that there will be something that would come up with our company.

The bittersweet part, her suitor, was a solid friend of mine. I slapped my heart to stop longing for her, ending with her in respect to her suitor. From that time on, the beautiful days of our friendship began to diminish. Only through text I can feel her presence; only through glimpse I can view her splendor.

Deciding for the right option was easier said than done to me, I discern what to choose but I’m troubled of what would be the outcome… she’s the best I have and I don’t want to loose her… but I love her.

It would be best to love a best friend, not as a lover but more than a lover…

“There are things that are so near to you but you can’t even have a touch at it.

There are thoughts only sought for someone and not similar to others…

And, there are those people who would be at your side for a moment,

But all of a sudden the moment was gone, evermore.”