tAnGa...

It’s really hard to have a decision, a decision that would cost someone’s love to die and make someone live up and continue to love more; more so the fact that between the choices, the realization that costs will thaw out down to the very pelt of one’s own continuation. If you were given the chance and opportunity to be loved by two indifferent individuals, would you still manage to react on the mob’s critique? Or should you rather cover up your face and try walking backwards going back to the time where you had nothing to think about but yourself, just yourself. It makes me conjecture on why God gave me the same situation but with different sets of faces to deal with.
Am I too lethargic to handle such liaison? ...
Or am I that so contemptible to keep a fine and enduring relationship? ...
I love her because she loves me but the other one loves me but in a timid way, a way she could only recognize and myself to be befuddled at. I can’t let go of the emotion even though I know it would escort me to an appalling and throbbing end.
She did almost every convincing effort to make me realize that it’s worth fighting and worth loving, and with that I’m very thankful and warm-hearted to have her at my side...
But...
If I love her, i will tinge my name as well as hers...
What shall i do?.,. what MUST i do...

AdamAnT?...

_To whom it may concern_

I’m so tired being blamed of so many things that I did not even think about; accusing me of such, of such… ahhhhh!!!!!!!! I can’t even place the right words to my tongue to utterly and linguistically enunciate it. In this very moment I’m creating this literature, the judgment they’ve mete out crunches my own beating heart. It fuckin’ hurts when someone, someone you most deeply love hurts you… you know that, you’re fucking hurt by the ones you unconditionally love. Some people say its martyrdom, well, in a high-level way of understanding it; it’s stupidity actually. You know if you love someone, you do things that would make him/her happy and satisfied.

Meeting expectations are seemingly hard to meet; you see the logic; when you antagonistically pursue on something, the more things will go the wrong way. The more you insist yourself on something or onto someone! Oh my $#%*, you better pray for yourself.

At this very moment I just want to burst out not my anger but my lunacy about this chronic and very, very, very protracted agony of mine. You see…by the time my mind was reluctant to this really cruel world until now, it’s still a BIG question at the anteroposterior part of my hypothalamus

WHY ARE BLAMING ME OF EVERY WRONG DEED MADE INTO THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!??????...

Little by little, I feel shammed, I feel locked down to early death because of distress and not stress.

SHE EVENLY FAMED ME AS A GREAT PRETENDER…

Self pity drives me out into the outcasts…
Self pity eats up every optimistic thing that nourishes my ego…
Self pity weakens me everytime she accuses me of something not good…
Self pity drags me into a thought of false humility…
Self pity devours my entire entity…
Self pity heaves my life into chaos…
Self pity slowly kills me.

1. Have ever got into a situation where you’re blamed of something grave which actually you did not even do it at the first place? You were just framed up or caught between the line of accusation and the meeting of chance…
2. Have you been accused of a very awful, mind-deteriorating, and beyond belief hearsay? And the saddest part is that even just a single word you articulate is not believed by HER… how heartwarming… very warm!!!
3. Have you been into a situation that even HER acts insensitively to your feelings…

“Anu? Kaw lat meada nerve endings ha lawas?? Para tim kalugaringon la tim pag inisipon kun mahuhurt ka?? Anu naman la ak?? Masakit gad kun sugad guin sasaup kan mga butang nga di ko man hinimu… kaw daw it sugaron?? Sige daw kun MAANU?? Diba di ka ghap maayun?? Maaram ak nga I had not been as good as you’d been expecting in me… pero grabe man liwat, bisan wa nak hinihimo, you make me feel that I’m unworthy, I’m as prodigal as mentioned in the holy scriptures, nga kulang nala ada ipapilit mo ha ak nawong nga sugad ak nga tawo… nga wa na ak pag asa pagbag-o…Gusto ko gad magbag-o, kinakapoy na kasi ak hin sugad hine nga kinabuhi…”

A very grave punishment for just a simple and common mistake…

_mAkeS sEnSe?_

i NeEd a ForMuLa..:(

as i looked at your pictures, i can feel your skin touching mine..., the tightness of your grasp to my hands...

so comfortable to think those ironical thoughts we have in mind were seemed to be happening...

thank you for letting me know what really has to be known, and sorry for loving you this silently, this obscurely..

soon, someday or whenever...

things will be fine especially to both of us...

one thing is true... everything that happened between the two of us were all true...

no masks, no hidden agendas, no planned plans...

please don't leave... that's what my heart is telling me now, stay with me as we struggle with this. i can't afford to loose someone like you...

i just can't... no explanations, no false thoughts...

i love you and that's my answer to your question...

UNtitLeD

What’s the difference between “I love you” and “I’m in love with you”…? If there’s a name who could somewhat put in the picture that he/she loves you but definitely, he/she is not in love with you, I will utterly seek out that someone and let him/her elucidate this word-by-word if indispensable. It confuses me at some time the divergence between the two axioms.

There’s a sketch of narration I knew from a friend that could possibly relate it to this thoughts I’m perplexed at…

They articulate that if you plunge in love with a comrade… you’d experience the preeminent and nastiest emotion ever. If that’s so, better find a friend and you fell in love to that friend; it would look so dim-witted and frenetic. Carl Francis Leonard Jay Montalba; for once in his life, he never fell in love with a friend… But with just a glimpse of fate, he met a new and strange friend. He met her through gaze of smiles, eye contacts and lexis of acquaintance.
This lasso was attractively as ever, with her smoothened skin, pink cheeks, and red lips she made him fell into love. But prior to that insanity, he became her friend first…good friends they were, they enjoy each other’s company, talk about topics semi-private, many stuff in the same way.
But with the twist of faith, their thoughts outgrew to be intimate…so intimate that Carl did not even notice his longing for her to be gruesome.
It then came to a point of confusion and bewildering action of Carl Francis Jay to ask her, “Are you happy with me?” with impulses so intense, and heart beat so profound; his smile melted the lasso’s heart.

But there was NO commitment then…

So hard to love someone without commitment; that’s why it’s goddamn mindless and stupid to fall in love with a friend, especially when that friend loves you too but has no guts to even fight for that goddamn love. But the lasso was indeed love him but not in love with him which Carlo Francis Jay did not know until the day he left her. There are instances wherein Carl would try his very best to understand the lasso’s boy friends but still the stabbing pain he’s feeling was obnoxious, really obnoxious…

So if you want a mind-whacking quandary, try to confidentially love a close friend and you’ll see…

how complex the heart does when it outruns blood which gives you the guts to love.

SpaCes betwEen the FingErS...

How come our fingers have spaces in between each of it?

Actually I don’t really know what would be my answer until the day I came to meet the woman who changed my life intuitively…

I’m just a chap with no direction in life, with everything to be rude to see, it became part of me to be boorish as my personality. Every day seemed to be an appalling day to meet, sordid moments to squander and immodest thoughts to reiterate. For 18 protracted years of my existence, this had been me… an awful me, the nauseating and repellent me. Some people would call me not by name but through my actions; the “hideous”.

But did they even look more deeply, why am I like this?

I grew to be lonesome and rebellious, not open to anyone’s outlook, denominative and lastly insensitive. I prefer working on my own, prefer taking risks for my own sake, and prefer life to be alone.

When all of a sudden;

The world began to change when I saw her stunning face, her astonishing inner beauty and bounteousness…

She was lurking at the busy road when I first saw her. We didn’t know each other yet but instinct made me seek her and scrutinize her luminous magnificence. I was then a cowboy that time; at first sight you would wrongly perceive my image. People would entitle me an “ex-con”… I smoke, I drink, and I have a goatee. Some would even call me rapist and a murderer but I don’t mind them; this is me, the kaput – lad. But then it all changed when I met her.

It took me many months before I grabbed my strength to commence myself to her. Shame would wrap me out giving me the reason why I can’t even come nearer to her; she might just pay no attention to my presence and even repugnance more so. With my image that time, anyone mouthful of air would in due course disgust me and get rid off of me.

It came to my mind, “what if…” I’ll amend for the better, for her to identify my subsistence…

From then on, little by little I became open to other group, to other peers; and they were shocked as I grew more mature and with straight bearing in life. I cut off my vices and had my haircut, which I hate most… joining organizations with fine objectives for molding others, I started back to zero basis.

With all the people I get along with, she was the only person who would see me as an individual with good heart and strong personality. I love her smile, her beautiful innocent smile but the fact that she doesn’t love me made feel unworthy, so useless.

We came along together at times but the fear of what would happen if I tell her I love her was bit a problem. I was afraid to be hurt… for the very first time, I felt fear in my heart. That fear that surrender my heart trying to overcome the good side of me.

Instead of moving forward I enthused backward going back the nasty side of me. A peculiar thing but she made me feel unloved; though she’s playing safe… I know she’s just playing safe in order not to be hurt.

In one corner of the alley, we cross paths and with intuition, we both stopped to feel each other’s presence…

She was shocked looking at me…

I tried my best to be as good to be recognized but it was a poseur for her to see…

Unrecognized, loathed, reviled, and unworthy…

I then asked her, “How come our fingers have spaces in between each of it?”…

But with fingers crossed, she did not even bother to answer it…

So I wrote this for her to know…

So when
U feel
All alone
With no 1 to hold on…

Just look at the
Spaces between
Ur fingers

And remember
That in
Those spaces…

U can feel
My fingers…
Locked with yours
Saying…

I’ll never leave you…

As tears pass through the edges of my skin…

Our hands held together tightly without thinking it was happening…

Memories of Yesterday...:)

Cherish all memories

That both of us had done

Refreshing those days

You and I are one
Looking back yesterday
The day we first met

Until the day comes

You said to me “YES”

Even I lose everything
For you I’ll do anything
It’s a risk for me to take
Coz I know my heart might break

I’ve been hurt before
For I won’t take it anymore
And I hope it aren’t happen no more

So let your heart love me
As you had loved me “before".

“I don’t know why but it’s not what the exterior splendor that made me love her, I don’t know what completed me to be in love with her…I just did without any uncertainty.”

I met her in an unexpected jiffy of my existence; steadily I grabbed all my strength to ask over her name. She jammed me at first sight; she’s not that God damn striking, but she’s uniquely eye-catching. I became a dupe of her alluring charm. She’s that type of gal that’s trouble-free, standoffish type but in the Lord’s way her smile melts every being that would embrace her bliss.

As I was approaching her, with great ignominy and bashful sentiment I smiled at her. Waiting for a reply, I unnoticed her looking at my identification card. I blushed for a moment and went to the point immediately; acquaintance then began and it grew to be wholesome. With serendipity, we became classmates and even more group mates.

There are times that she would catch me stunning at her and she would eventually lift her eyebrows asking me if I have something to say; but I always give a smiling nonverbal response. She can sense the emotion that I was trying to express but she’s afraid and even not interested to what I feel. Succumbed with great depression, I glimpsed at her virgin splendor and stayed away from her.

Days turned into months and we became uncomfortable with each other’s presence; so sad to imagine from an outgrown friendship, it turned to be an apathetic predicament. I want to go near and nearer but the fear of being drawn away kept my feet stuck on my position.

My days were empty without her in my sight and side, so hurting but that’s the way it has to be. I have to accept this reality. It came into an instance that I was invited to her 18^th birthday, with all the hesitation I made it came out to be a “yes” when she personally invited me. With a gleam optimism of contact, I made it to her birthday.

“The ambiance of the place tickled my skin for a minute or two but as I saw her in front sitting like a princess, my heart was filled with so much excitement and gawkiness. After sometime, she then came to our table and greeted our presence. She poked me with a smile and it seemed that there was nothing to be doubtful about. I don’t know why but it’s not what the exterior splendor that made me love her, I don’t know what completed me to be in love with her…I just did without any uncertainty.”

The flow of the party ended me up doomed as my name was concealed as the 17^th of her eighteen roses. I almost fainted as my name was fluently and glibly mentioned; and also to her shock, it made me pity myself ‘coz I wasn’t prepared for that moment.

“Time seemed to slow down as we held hands together and began moving our feet with agreement. We were both introverted for that case in point; for the first time I danced with a debutant whom I longed for so real. If only I can make the moment stop for eternity and steal her presence, I would have to…but instance is just not invariable.”

We parted ways; both made a glimpse for the last time…and goodbye.

Is 8 oK iF i caLL YoU MinE... JuSt 4 A tYm :(

I fell in love with someone that i must not plummet in love hooked on...

So fanatical to assume that it haunts me every minute in my verve...
She's charming, caressing, and so affectionate that loving her is just as unproblematic as picking up the sand in a spacious assortment of shoreline....

Please bare with my sentiments right now...
i just can't take it to myself...
i don't know if i'm this dim-witted enough to say...

"i'm falling for her..."

at a snail's pace, I’m falling…for her,

Bob Ong...?

ShE HoLdS mE TiGht...

She holds me tight, as if she doesn’t want someone to replace me in her heart…

Days of a young initiate relationship: At first, I have no scheme as what sort of person she is, I came to know her through text messages, phone calls and through untamed interpretations from close friends of her which is eventually my colleagues now. This was a year and a half ago; one of my friends used my cellular phone to text her high school classmate. Fortuitously, she forgot to erase the message and the number replied as I went home. A snap of acquaintance happened; we became attached through those messages we exchange until midnights. It soon became a part of my routine to leave a message for her; and I know she would always have a reply. We enjoyed the topics we’ve discussed not considering the time, everytime we have communication. It’s my first time to be texting until 4 o’clock in the morning. The chemistry soon formulized our bonding; it came to an instance that we have pet names of us solely.

I call her “munchkins” and she calls me “macaroons”; so funny at first ‘coz we were talking about foods one night. She always give me the floor to open up topics, she’s shy she said that’s why she doesn’t want to open topics first. She’s always the first person that would greet me good morning, she sends quotes for optimism ( But she’s not that optimistic, I know… ), she soon made my day complete. She always reminded to eat my meal well, to take care always and if I have time to text her; but we’re not into commitment. I did not attempt to be into courtship because she told me not to do so. I dwelled on the pain but something made me uplifted and pursue.

A negative motivation: “WHY should he call you munchkins? Why? Is he your boyfriend?” a friend of her squarely asked…

She told me about it: No thought came into my mind as I hear those blood-pricking words; I don’t know what to say… my mind became dumb, and my heart choking. I suddenly freeze on an instantaneous and left her unanswered. Days passed and she became fretful that no message from me did she receive. I can’t react on the question, I felt guilty…I don’t know why but the feeling was the same. It came to a point that I have no option but to promise not to call her by that name, even if it’s against my will.

We continued knowing each other and this time we started to have an eyeball. I was so excited then that for the first time after a long time we will see each other face-to-face. We can’t decide for an exact time for our meet so the opportunity slowly went away. But one afternoon, unpredictably, the event of looking her personally came into reality. She’s so gorgeous, naive, stunningly beautiful ( for me… ), and dazzling.

From then on, our meeting was followed by another. I tried my best to insert my time for her in my chaotic schedule. “If there’s a will, there’s always a way…” she started to like me. We joined together lunch breaks and even share the same food. I over and over again gazed at her, looking at her bright brown eyes. I often asked her if what she desires for a chap to be as finicky as ever. She told me not anything to have no idea as to what to do; meaning, she wants me to act as innate; she wants to see the real Christian Jay Cañeda without any concealing outfit. I have nothing to hide and what you see in me is already the real me. And that, she realized after a month of courtship ( Gee, my longest moment in time for courtship… ).

Now, this infantile liaison I hope would be the last… not expecting this to be a perfect one but I do anticipate that this would the right one. I hope that this would be strengthened as the years pass by, as the moments fade away, and as our age expire. We know that we love each other; I can see and feel it. She makes me feel it that way…

Of all the quotes I’ve read since the very beginning, I do believe this one:

“A man is lucky to win a woman’s first love,

but a woman is even luckier to win a man’s love the last…”

LittLe TaLeNt

Little talent…

This now my 5^th year in this untiring hobby of mine, or should others say a talent; almost all my friends made it as a trademark in me. I’m an instrumentalist; I first knew that I’m good at it when it held my hand way back during my childhood days. I was just a little lad when I hear my grand parents sing and dance into the beat of their music (the Ku-ra-cha) “grrrrrrr!!!” they would tease each other as they glance. I was 12 at that time, just observing what the oldies are doing. By the age of 14, I gathered all my courage to ask for a gift; “an acoustic guitar”. I knew my mom would restrain me from this foolishness but I still tried. I did not expect but I was hoping… mom was amazed and shocked eventually on my little favor. “A guitar, as you wish” she evenly told me. From that time on, the little talent of mine grew to be a sharp skill. Slowly but surely, I learned the know-how’s of plucking, strumming the guitar but I’m not saying that I’m perfectly expert at it. I know the basics and these are the important things you must learn. You can’t make an original style of music if you don’t know the basics. You can’t compose songs if you don’t know those basics that I’m talking about. Just be natural in every way whenever you play the guitar or any other instrument. Relax, be yourself, don’t act like somebody! You make fame out of your own name. Don’t mimic somebody just to be known and applauded, be original. Those thoughts are always in my mind whenever I perform on stage with my guitar. Through plucking the guitar, I can let go of my feelings…really. I even cried once after I played a sad song for my mom; I composed a song for her but I never sung it to her up to now. And mere time washes away the lyrics of that song. I can’t imagine myself, that from a little observer into a guitarist and a singer. Every time I struck the guitar, every time I struck a chord, the ones who will hear it will hear the music of my heart. They will hear what inside me, who is Christian jay behind those music notes.

For the one I used to lay my life to…

For my beloved friend Lowill, for being an inspiration of this literary work…

The green lushes of the view reminded me of her, standing beside me telling me how she loved me so much, forever, for eternity. And now I’m here in this dreaded bench all alone and withered because of pain and misery. Why am I feeling this?? This unpleasant emotion of love I’m in to. The cold breeze kills me slowly, as I face reality that I will wake up every day with out no one on my side. She used to laugh at my jokes and would hold on my shoulders and sometimes even bit me. She’s so sweet and caressing so much but was like a plague that washes all this memories.

It traumatized my heart that from her lips the bitterest words I’ve ever heard in my entire life. It was just short but the effect it made into my heart was so long until now I’m still mourning on what happened. She stabbed my heart so badly that it bleeds like the love I poured into her for over a year. It was a year of happiness, contentment and affection; a year of unending dream with her. But I’m now hanging on what to do; I’m dashed between the test of time and the selfishness of my longing for her.

I love you no more… she evenly told me. That disgracing moment almost killed me. It made my heart stop for a second or more. That moment she told me so, it popped out from my mind the days she always told me that she loves me, that she will love me forever. Is this forever what you’re talking about? I go crazy thinking why it happened to us, how come that she fell out of love for me. I’ve been as good as ever to her, to our relationship. Damn her, I told myself as cry insentience. For her I tried not to cry, I tried to understand, I tried not to weep but it fuckin’ hurts. I build my world with her, because of her and for her.

Now I wake up everyday, senseless, useless and frantic. I seek an advice from a friend on what would be the best option on my situation. I’m lost in this wilderness I used to live in with her as my queen. I was humiliated of myself as I see my friend looking at me with pity. He told me how I was doing, if what would be my plan now… no word can explain how I feel. Losing her is like losing a battle hundreds of years you’ve been fighting for. But my friend stayed hushed, he started to sense the situation. Suddenly, he pointed at something.

“You see that little flower”, a puny little blossom tangled and destroyed not long that’s what he was pointing at. Then he became still… “Building a relationship is similar to planting an elegant type of flower. At the very beginning, you must strive hard to build a foundation of trust, understanding, and many other things and I presume you already know that. If you’re thinking that this will be the end of your relationship, I can probably say you’re wrong bai ’, this could be just a test for the both of you two. Just like a plant, if now that its branches are tormented down and nearly dead. Sooner or later, it will branch back again and bloom just as it bloomed before. There’s always a reason for every thing that happen to us, to all of us. Don’t put your world into chaos, damn!! There are still many things you need to know. Even the wisest person is still ignorant in some ways, so why grieve?? I’m just here; your friends are just here if you need someone to talk to.”

It touched a chord in my silent and bleeding heart, those words he mentioned to me… he’s like my mom scolding me while smiling. It relieves my nerve but it strokes my heart so bad, just so bad. I gasped heavily as thank my friend.

The wind blew differently; it was so heavy even my body can’t take a chance to move. I was steadily seating still in this bench we used to share. Just the two of us, just the affection we enjoyed together.

But as the days gone by, the months vanished and the years came alongside so easily, time seemed to cure the wounds in my heart. The pain and misery I used to succumb in my close-minded wits bruised my individuality to open new doors. If I stick to the same old feeling for her, it would be unhealthy for me to pursue. It came into my mind the chance of loving once again, of building a whole new world with someone whom I can share the rest of my life.

But suddenly, I saw “her” again…with someone new.

FiRsT LoVe

First Love…

I’ve been to many relationships already, those mutual ones; I had even more know-how than my grown-up cousins when it comes to love drives and at all frankly speaking. It all started in my high school days when I first knock down in love to this gal whom I used to call as a friend. She’s syrupy, cuddly, and she’s taller than me. J I even hoist my head a little bit higher just to gaze at her. So funny to imagine but what makes it more comical is that when she hugs me, she would kneel her knees down to the floor then hugs me tight like a little boy. I was a freshman then when I first encountered my first ever liaison and my partner was senior student. At that time I was just a go-looking boy, just stays put in my seat, aloof and most of all silent. I prefer myself to be alone than to be with other boys there playing under the sun. But at the instance I met her, things began to adjust. I become skilled at how to fix my dangling hair, apply some perfumes on my clothes and I began carrying a handkerchief which before I really hate to bring. She really turned my world upside down, making an immense twist of my bulky head. Since then, we became close apiece to other. I, in next to no time learned how to deal things over when it comes to mutual drop a line to my opposite gender. Initially, it makes my heart quiver like a drum, even more when she caresses my crust. For everything that I never knew, she then makes me realize all those things. The “love” what they call, first stroked my naive and virgin spirit.

Nevertheless things went off beam! For the raison d'être that she’ll be graduating on that same year, she was left with no option but to abscond me. Months before her parting, she showered me with the preeminent of what’s paramount that has to be given and taken in a relationship. She sends mail and feelings of love to me, but I knew for myself that all of this would end. That the whole thing will amend, I don’t know if it’s for the better or the shoddier consequence. But one thing I discern, this will come to a finish. I was worried so much that for an instance, she faded. I observed to my sight that someone’s missing and I then knew that she was not almost on our campus. Upon knowing that she’s leaving before now, I tried my awfully best to arrive at their home seven miles away from where I was footing that split second. I used my bike to make it to the place even though the sun was raging up for it was lunch time. Unfortunately, everything was over… she left the place days before I knew she left, she left me.

She ended me to suffer the earliest diverse sentiment I ever felt in my heart, just in my heart and nowhere else. It’s like she ripped off my heart and squeezed it so stiff for all the blood to leak out. For God sake, I was profoundly impaired. L I became a lifeless psyche with an existing corpse. Day after day, I went back to our meeting place hoping she would come back. My mind flew everywhere and the thought of her drawn to the clear sky. I spent every day staring at the ceiling or at the window in my room. There came a moment that the love fallout to be anger. The question she left in the palm of my hand. WHY? What made you run off devoid of any assent from me? Why did you leave me? No day that came off, that my eyes were filled with tears and my heart aching and beating so heavily; such burden, such agony.

After a protracted due of time, it was July 25^th, my birthday when I received a letter from an unsigned. It was wrapped with a card which has writings of her. At first, I hesitated to get the letter but my wits and heart kept in disagreement about it. Until such instance that I obtain and read the letter:

“I’m sorry for leaving without any compliance, for hurting you so much. I was planning to meet you at our meeting place you know where it is. But my parents scolded and inhibited me from going to. I was afraid to tell you, in front of you that I would be leaving. I know you’re hurting still right now of what happened. The pain you’re having is the same pain that stabs my heart up to now. I miss you so much and even more. I wrote this letter with all sincerity thinking that you would suspect that I wrote just to tell you about my obscure farewell. I wrote this letter to let you feel that I’m still here…longing for your warmth, longing for your love. I don’t know if this is the right decision I’ve made; to love you still but this is one thing I know, I’m happy to love you. I’m not forcing you to love me back ‘coz I know distance we have would be a bit of a problem. There’s no assurance and there are many possibilities. I hope understand, I love you that’s why I’m setting you free now. Don’t worry I did not left because someone has replaced you in my heart, it’s just that it’s just the way it has to be. If in time you and I are still free and if it’s the right time, I won’t let you go away from my side. Goodbye for now. Goodbye my love…”

Greetings on your birthday…

Farewell,

Mary

BeSsY

To my beloved best friend who gives her best time for me…

This is for you…

It was a freezing early Monday morning, when I unexpectedly beeped to my cellular phone waiting for the text of my bessy. She’s a “she” regardless of her age, she was my best friend. I met her in class room; I was just seated and glancing the transom when all of a sudden this lady sits next to my chair. I was dazed at first, stunning at her goddess beauty. I can’t accept as true to myself that I’m sitting alongside such a divine lad.

I was astounded by her beauty that I even stared at her for over a minute or more. What makes it more beautiful when she smiles at me, it makes my heart go crazy, making my heart harder to beat. I presumed to myself that the coming days will be greater ‘coz each day that would go by is as striking like her. Every dawn as I wake up, the nerve of going to school barely frenzied my body. I rush to our campus to be with her, with virgin beauty, her long-lasting splendor.

The days turned into months but I did not stop lurking at her essential beauty. I soon became emotionally involved to her. She made me laugh at some time, as well as I, myself made her laugh.

We enjoyed always the moment together, we share private topics, talk about love stories, and even share the same food (Cream O). It was fun being with her, it was really fun. She’s a different type of girl, she’s frank, honest, and true and sweet, oh good grace she’s really sweet.

There was an instance that we went to their house to have lunch. She’s stunningly beautiful as she walks towards me. Acting that I just ignore her beauty, I stay still just looking at her. She knows how to cook, and she knows how to cook my favorite dish. She habitually asks me what boys want to satisfy their hunger. If merely she knew, just staring at her already satisfies my hunger. I lightheartedly answered her.

Except, there’s one occurrence that we have to part ways, our blossoming friendship twisted into madness. I’ve made the biggest blunder in my life; I fell in love to my best friend. At first, I deny it to my self but a dear friend of mine told me that it’s noticeable, it’s really obvious. Even “her” my best friend nodded at me saying that I love her. Of course I love her!!! So much, more than a lover can give ‘coz I’m her best friend.

To save myself from their finger pointing, I just smiled at them; I smiled at her and waved at her a farewell. Through a text message, I confessed it to her. I mean no harm and I did not plan that way, to be her best friend and then a lover. I told her all the reasons why I landed up to that emotion I had for her. She already knew it even before I realized that I loved her. Through actions and sense, she predicted that there will be something that would come up with our company.

The bittersweet part, her suitor, was a solid friend of mine. I slapped my heart to stop longing for her, ending with her in respect to her suitor. From that time on, the beautiful days of our friendship began to diminish. Only through text I can feel her presence; only through glimpse I can view her splendor.

Deciding for the right option was easier said than done to me, I discern what to choose but I’m troubled of what would be the outcome… she’s the best I have and I don’t want to loose her… but I love her.

It would be best to love a best friend, not as a lover but more than a lover…

“There are things that are so near to you but you can’t even have a touch at it.

There are thoughts only sought for someone and not similar to others…

And, there are those people who would be at your side for a moment,

But all of a sudden the moment was gone, evermore.”